There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
