Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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