You work out of a Hotel?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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