girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have aggressive nipples.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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