I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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