her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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