When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
