look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
