And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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