u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
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I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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