what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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