just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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