dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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