I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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