my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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