ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
