Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
