Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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