Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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