i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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