My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
