how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
