He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
