Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Damn victory sex feels great
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