you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
