I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
