I wish I only lived at night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
