ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
