I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
