Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
