I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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