we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
