Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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