is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
