My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
