yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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