Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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