my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He did a backflip because drugs
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