You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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