Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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