The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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