shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize