I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
