I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
