An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
