he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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