Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
