I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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