God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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