First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
