My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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