Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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