I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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