Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize