Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
