I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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