I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
