$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
