I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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