i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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