Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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