I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
