We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
